A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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