people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
