my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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