if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
handjob tips. give me some.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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