it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
