I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
