Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
