You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
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We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
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He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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