Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
