I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
