You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
