last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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