My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
