I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
When are your genitals available?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
