Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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