Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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