So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
