So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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