They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize