Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
