He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
