ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
