wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
