That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
