Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
