After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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