for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
