all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
