Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
