I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
