Im at strip club and am horny
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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