drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
