I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
