What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I stole a fireplace last night.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
