So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
