a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
