i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
