i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
and she was petting her beer can
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So much rum. So many feels.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
