I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
