the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
tonight lets celebrate not being married
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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