i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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