i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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