I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
