Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
