it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
