Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
