I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
