the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
