The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
