do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
