Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
