These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
