I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
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I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
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I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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