My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize