ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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