I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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