A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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