There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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