i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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