don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
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You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
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Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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