My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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