end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
