I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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