My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
