you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
