doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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