Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
