One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
