My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
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