Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
