I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
