thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
