Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
