Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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