My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Girls should come with a carfax report
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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