apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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