...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I got inside last night via doggy door
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
