that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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