I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
