did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
