Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
