I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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