He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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