What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
